My attention was snagged by this article from Eternity Magazine that came up in my Facebook feed a week or so ago. I have thought on and off about going online (though definitely not on Tinder) – to see if I couldn’t find a nice Christian man; one who might appreciate getting to know someone and having someone to go places with (and serve God with), who might take the initiative, and allow me to communicate in writing (because that is a part of who I am and how I do things) and engage with that. But I always hesitate. Partly I just don’t want to get sucked into some kind of false hope or spending hours online trolling through profiles. And partly I just wonder if it’s a trust issue. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using such tools, and there are folks at my church who met that way, but this paragraph from the article was interesting:
I think deep down we need to really ask ourselves if we trust God. In an article called, “Is Online Dating for Christians?” popular author and speaker on the topic of singleness, Leslie Ludy said this: “It’s true that you might find a decent partner by reading books on how to get noticed or by joining an Internet dating service. But what amazing heaven-scripted beauty we forgo when we try to write the story ourselves. God is in the business of writing incredible love stories. The problem is that most of us aren’t willing to leave the pen in his hands.”
The times that I have tried to do anything towards such things, or let a man know I was interested, have been a disaster, and clearly a no from God, coming through a very loud no from the man concerned.
I have probably taken things to extremes since, because I don’t even say hello to Christian men anymore, unless they say hello to me first. That’s just something I find personally necessary, given the past, so I’m not giving any man any reason to get me into trouble or be annoyed with me. (And there have been times long ago when I have thought the man was being friendly towards me, so I have said hello, and then received a very sound scolding. So now I think that clearly I can’t predict such things and until a man says hello I will assume he doesn’t want to talk to me and that I’d do well to stay out of his way.)
So, while I am reluctant to go online, I also don’t think such things are ever going to work for me if the only opportunities are Church services and Christian events, because I am not going to walk up in a crowd of people and talk to men, and they rarely talk to me (and I am on the rosters! – just incase someone felt inclined to tell me to get involved with serving). And I flatly refuse ever to call men (because I believe they should be calling, and that is another past disaster).
But I guess that is the trust point. If God wants me to be in a relationship with someone he can bring it about, with no help or initiative from me (which, in truth, he’s going to have to as I have been bitten more than once).